


I will hold your hope

by sabrina



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Character studies, F/M, I didn't expect to ship this as much as I did, I think this is possibly canon compliant, post-TFA
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-20 01:51:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11910750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabrina/pseuds/sabrina
Summary: In the aftermath of Han's funeral services on Corellia Leia finds strength and hope once again in the arms of an old acquaintance.





	I will hold your hope

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't really expect this pairing to be the first explicit work I ever published but here we are. I wanted to write a character piece for Leia as much as I wanted to write sex, or maybe the sex was a vehicle for the character piece. I didn't use archive warnings, but as this is following Han's funeral, his death is referred to frequently within it. While Han isn't in the piece, Leia/Han as a pairing is certainly an emotional part of it. 
> 
> I have no idea if anyone besides me will enjoy this, but it stretched my writing outside of normal boundaries, and I enjoyed writing it, and that's half of it at least, yeah?

In the hours after the ceremony Leia wrapped her jacket more tightly around her as she sat underneath the edge of a mausoleum to keep the warm Corellian rain off her hair and face. There was an ache that persisted. She had hoped that the funeral might allow her to finally close it, or at least feel it less intently, but that seemed impossible today. There was some closure maybe, but how many people must she mark in memorials to stardust? That made it sound more romantic than it was, but romantic or not, Han's body was not even in this memorial on his home planet of Corellia where he could spend the rest of eternity making peace with his uneasy association with his childhood. 

Leia shivered. It was the warm season on Corellia, and it wasn't a cold rain. 

Time was nothing that held any measure. She could have been there for moments only, or perhaps it was hours, but following a rumble of thunder she realized that she was no longer alone. At the edge of the Mausoleum roof, standing back, but close enough to be able to speak to her, was Kes Dameron. She hadn't seen him before and had no idea how long he had been there, but when she lifted her gaze to acknowledge him she didn't feel so cold. 

"I'm sorry, Kes, I didn't see you," she apologized quietly. It should have come out more formal, but she realized she didn't have the energy for the pretense of politics and distance among someone she'd known for nearly as many years as she'd known Han. "Does Poe know you're here yet?" 

"I saw him earlier," Kes stepped forward. This put him within easy distance to reach out and hug her, and he did so now, chasing away the chill from the day with strong arms pressed around her. So few today had taken the liberty to hug her, and so many who might have done so once were no longer here now. As there was in his son, Kes had a warmth about him. Leia had not had reason to really think about it in the years since she'd last seen him and Shara. 

Shara and Kes had fought a rebellion and they had gotten out to make a home in the galaxy they'd fought to restore. Leia hadn't gotten out. Perhaps she'd felt the need to repay for her family's sins in the deepest part of her bones. Perhaps it was simply being raised as who she had been raised. Perhaps she couldn't have been happy settled on a small planet living a life that was anything less than making changes on a galactic level. This thought wasn't a comfortable one. She could hide behind selfless duty and family obligation on one hand and family redemption on the other, but perhaps she was selfish enough to want to be known to make a difference. Whatever her reasons, selfless or no, she could say today that she had paid the price for this, but the man standing in front of her made her doubt there was anything quite so cosmic in scale for the things that had happened to her. After all, Kes had not devoted his life to the Republic and then gotten out and lived his life happily ever after unscathed by anything bad. Shara wasn't here and she hadn't been in Kes's life for a while. Perhaps life was sometimes kind and sometimes unkind and cosmic balance was not so individually tuned. 

"If you want to be alone," Kes started.

Leia shook her head chasing his words with a counter of her own: "No, I really don't." 

He fell silent for an instant and then raised an eyebrow as he seemed to take in the lines on her face. She wondered how she must look to him. 

"Are you hungry?" He asked her. 

For all she wasn't expecting the answer to be yes she realized it was. "How do you feel about traditional Corellian fare?" 

Kes smiled and the wrinkles around his eyes crinkled up as he did. He was older than he'd been the last time they'd spoke, but then so was she. His hair was more grey than black, the lines around his eyes had been creased in life's hands, but his smile was as warm as it had been once upon a time. It was a warmth echoed in his son's smile nearly every day. It was a warmth Leia hadn't allowed herself to feel in the weeks since Hans' passing. It was her fault, in a way, all of it, and she couldn't relax under that weight, but something flickered in his smile, the first drip of a spring thaw maybe. 

As they ate and spoke, Leia found herself smiling, if hesitantly at first, as if she was not allowed to do this. The meat was good and the wine even better. Han would have praised the meat, and likely called the wine too fancy and followed it with an ale. Little thoughts like these poked to the surface as she sat across from Kes, letting him entertain her for a moment's breath. Perhaps it would have been smarter to go back to her room and to allow herself to unwind away from everyone else. But she knew that's not what she would have done if left alone. She had reserved a room, but there was work still to be done, there was a son she had still lost, and the weight of believing he was gone forever dragged heavily on her heart. Leia would not give up the fight because of this and so she would have thrown herself back into it immediately if Kes had not shown up when he did. 

He was a good storyteller, and he seemed to know that she didn't want to talk much about Han, or the war, or her son, and so instead he told her about the time that they'd purchased the ranch and planting the Force tree there. The time that they'd thought Poe was lost in the jungles of Yavin IV only to find him sitting under that tree. They laughed about Rebellion stories - a war long ago, with losses long enough dispensed that it was easier to smile in the remembrance of the good times there had been, and ignore for the moment the ache of realization that they hadn't solved the problems they'd thought they had solved in the aftermath of Endor. The battle had continued, shifted, woven its way into the fabric of their lives, touching their children in different ways. 

There was a reason Leia had not chosen Luke's Jedi life. She could not help but admit jealousy, but the wish - the very ardent wish - that Ben had been like Poe lingered. The notion of the two of them together in the same squadron, or as co-commanders. It would have made Ben no more safe, but it would have made him someone she could still hug. Someone who would have been by her side at Han's loss wrapping his arm around her and helping her carry that weight: Not someone who had created this pain that threatened to pull her apart inside. 

Kes had stopped talking and Leia realized that as he'd been speaking, her cheeks had turned wet. His hand reached across the table to press against hers uninvited, but not unwelcome. 

"I'm sorry," she murmured, pressing her napkin to her cheeks. 

"There's nothing to apologize for, Leia," he sighed heavily. "You lost your husband. That leaves a hole that can't be filled by anything else." 

She glanced across at him and pulled her lips tight, a tight smile of recognition of the empathy in those words. Knowing that he held if not exactly the ache she felt the understanding of what it felt like to lose someone who was so deeply a part of you. 

"I'll walk you back to wherever you're staying." 

"I don't want to keep you longer. Poe must have wanted to see you." 

"We've got breakfast in the morning. He's got friends tonight. I don't have anywhere else to be, and I want to see you get back all right. I know it's been a bit, but... " 

"Does it still hurt?" She asked him. 

"I miss Shara every day," Kes admitted. "I always will. But some days it hurts less, like she's just gone on a long trip and she'll be back sometime. I know that's not… exactly true, but it gets me through the day." 

He paid, despite her protestation, and they walked the streets back. 

The last time she'd been on Corellia it had been with Han and Ben. Ben had been in his late teens and surly about everything his parents had suggested. She had hoped it was normal teenage angst and nothing more. She felt naive and foolish thinking of it. She'd thought that Ben would grow out of his funk and eventually things would even out. _Eventually_. 

"How has Poe been doing?" 

Kes's question pulled her out of her self-meditation and she looked over at him. "He's doing well. He's Squadron leader, but you know that probably. I think sometimes things impact him more than he lets on, but he never gives up."

"He gets that from his mother," Kes smiled. "But I know he was in First Order custody for a while. He didn't talk about it much." 

Leia knew that. Poe had come to see her after Jakku. They had spoken about what happened to him while he was in custody. About what Kylo Ren had done to him, and about what he'd been looking for. Poe had been quiet in his words, but he hadn't winced away from her questions, answering every one of them with more candor than Leia could have expected. The conversation hadn't been easy for either of them - and her heart had ached. Tonight it ached again as she realized that her son had been the cause of pain for the son of the man next to her. Two good men and something she had created had brought them pain. 

She and Kes had fought side by side once, how had their sons come to fight on opposite sides? 

"Leia?" 

He had stopped and she followed this stop, turning back and looking up at him. As she did so, she realized her cheeks were damp again. 

"I'm sorry," she ducked her head, bringing her fingers up to wipe them, but then his calloused thumb was there first. "I don't usually cry this much," she admitted. And in fact she couldn't think of the last time she had. Not the day Han had been killed. Not any of the days since then - even at night - even when she was alone. Was that normal? 

"No explanation is necessary," Kes brought his other hand up to her shoulder. For a moment he was quiet, standing there and not moving his hands from her shoulder, from her cheek, and she thought perhaps she ought to pull away but she didn't want to. 

Han had wrapped his arms around her once, making her feel as if safety would always be found there in his arms. And then he had gone to get their son - because she had asked him - and he hadn't returned. Emotion surged through her, and it required action of some sort or another. She could break into sobs, she could turn and walk down the street back towards the ship rather than to her hotel, but instead she looked up and stepped forward and as if he'd known she was going to do this his arms slid around her and his lips pressed against hers. 

Kes Dameron had always been a handsome man, and age had treated him kindly. She could feel muscle now as his hand settled against the small of her back and pulled her in. She pushed a hand up past his chest, struggling a bit because of how closely they were pulled together, and then it came to rest on the base of his neck. 

He smelled like the earth and a little like engine oil - a smell she was well familiar with from decades of knowing pilots. His touch was gentle, persistent, but kind, and she pressed herself into that touch with more desperation than she wanted to admit to. She'd never been the sort of person that sought out physical touch to prove she was alive, but tonight her heart fluttered with the need of something a lot more than this. 

"Come back with me," she whispered as she pulled back. The desire tumbled out before she could second guess it. "Kes, please. Stay the night." 

His forehead pressed against hers and his breath brushed against her cheeks, and she could feel his pulse beating strongly underneath his neck. It made her feel like she was a young girl again, back in the Rebellion when she had pushed, and hoped, and fought with passion for not just a galaxy's dreams. 

"Leia," his voice was husky, and it wrapped her up in warmth. 

She lifted her lips to find his again, bumping against his nose with her own before settling once more. This time her tongue chased his lips, pressing into them, and when he opened to invite her in, she explored his mouth as her heart fluttered and warmth pooled between her legs and she wanted more. She wanted to be lifted up, carried to a bed, and to forget for a moment, or a multitude of moments, about everything that had gone wrong. She wanted to believe once more, maybe, hope if she dared it, that connection and love could be found in the galaxy, and that maybe love might even triumph. She could feel that connection in the pulse under her fingers, and, if she let herself, in the Force itself. 

He brought his hands up to her face and pulled her back, his dark eyes blown wide as he stared into hers. "I shouldn't," he offered, although he didn't step back, didn't drop her face. "This isn't a good time -" 

"I'm lonely," she pointed out, curbing any hint of desperation with the utter certainty about her request. "You're lonely. We were friends long ago, and we have a connection we can't share with anyone else," she sounded slightly breathless to her ears, and she was afraid the drum of her own heart-beat was going to be so obvious in his ears. "You'll leave tomorrow, and return, and I will too, but for one night, stay with me." 

He swallowed heavily, his adam's apple bobbing up and down as his hands stayed firm against her cheeks. For a moment his gaze held hers, and then it dropped to her lips, and his hand slid down from her cheeks to her neck. His fingers brushed gently against her skin - skin that hadn't been touched for so long, and Leia shivered, and echoed his swallow with one of her own. 

His hand dropped from her neck, but it never quite dropped from her, sliding down her shoulder, fingers drifting against her arm, down the inside of her elbow until they hit her hand, and they slid into it. "If you want me," he offered. 

"I very much do," Leia leaned forward to kiss him again, and then turned towards the hotel where she'd kept a room despite her personal expectations to return to the ship.

But she didn't want to be alone and she didn't wish to return to anything that resembled the fight she must resume again on the morrow. No, she wanted an impersonal but opulent room with a large bed and high count sheets, the fresher with a shower and large bath with running water if she wished it, and breakfast that would appear outside her door with hot caf by no other means than her sticking a card outside before she slept. 

Her fingers trembled as they ran over the keypad to unlock the door that slid open to the room below. She entered aware of Kes' presence behind her as she put the small bag she'd had with her down on the entrance table. The door slid shut and she turned back around to look at him in the light of the room. He was here. She was here. She could turn back now if she wished, but as her gaze took in his jawline, the slight stubble on his chin, and the peppered grey hair that still held a bit of a curl she knew she had no desire to. 

He stepped forward again, his fingers gently coming up under her chin. "All these years you've worked so hard for the galaxy, you should have had a palace and retired in peace." 

Leia's heart twisted at the words maybe because it was a hope so lost to her at this point she no longer knew what it looked like. Maybe once a few years before she could have believed it. When her Father's statue had been unveiled and when her son had been in training and when the so sought after stability had still felt just a heartbeat away. 

"There are no guarantees," she offered, closing her eyes, and tilting her chin into his touch. Maybe in a galaxy where hard work was rewarded as it should be that would have been the case. Her palace would have been on Alderaan, and the family she had would have been much larger and included her parents. Her hand came up to find the back of his neck.

He hummed gently, then murmured, "then let me treat you like a queen tonight." 

Leia pushed into his lips again. This time there was no night air around them. Left alone together she allowed him to explore, leaned into his touch as his fingers slid up against the base of her scalp gently massaging there. She inched a step closer, and his other hand settled in the small of her back. 

He wasn't as tall as Han, something that she couldn't help but note. Really it was only Han that she'd ever been in this particular position with. Only Han that had ever seen her without her clothes off. And some part of her wondered if this was a terrible idea. She wasn't as young as she once had been, certainly wasn't as fit, and her skin no longer fit her like a glove, but rather fit where it wished to, leaving places where it drooped to the beat of gravity no matter what she might have wished to the contrary. She'd had no reason to really worry about it of recent. Han hadn't been around, and she had not wanted any sort of physical indulgence. But tonight she was near shaking in anticipation of a man's touch across her breasts, and hips, and abdomen. It had been longer than she wanted to think about. There were so few men she would trust. Only Han before, and now, it seemed obvious that perhaps Kes. 

They pulled back for a breath, and Kes kissed her forehead gently, and then her temple, then her ear. He ran fingers down her neck, tracing the edge of her collarbone and Leia shivered in anticipation of what those fingers would feel like further down. One hand pressed to his chest, playing between the buttons of his shirt, and he glanced down, and then raised one hand to unbutton the top two buttons, before once again sliding his arms around her. This time it was to pause at the edge of her shoulders, sliding her outer cloak off of them and Leia stepped forward to help him lead her out of it, and then she reached for his third button. 

She could see his chest now, and she leaned forward to drop a kiss at base of his throat, where his collarbones met in the center and he let out a light sigh of pleasure at the touch. Leia smiled and did it again, this time with the addition of her fingers tracing along the edge of his shirt, down his chest, towards the fourth button. She fumbled to undo it by feel, and that done, she slid her hands back up his bare chest, five fingers splayed across his chest steady even as she wanted to do so much more. She pressed a kiss once again to his collarbone, before following it with another one to his lips, and she slid the jacket and his shirt off his shoulders. 

He shrugged out of them, as she stepped back, admiring. 

"This is unfair," he offered. "You're still wearing so many clothes." 

Leia smirked and then shrugged, her eyes twinkling. "You don't strike me as the sort of man who doesn't know what to do about that." 

As if that had finalized the invitation she'd already given he stepped forward kissing her forehead, her nose, and then dipping under her knees to sweep her up and catch her in a squeal of delight. 

She should have expected it, perhaps if she'd been paying more attention she would have, but instead the sound that escaped her lips was embarrassingly loud. "Kes," she laughed "This is ridiculous! I'm not a girl." 

"No, you're a general," he grinned, seeming to enjoy the reaction that he'd gotten. "But you just ordered me to figure it out." 

"Those weren't orders," she protested with a laugh, wrapping her arms around his neck so she wouldn't fall, but his grip was strong enough, she knew she wouldn't. "It was a challenge; you've been out of the military too long, Dameron!" 

"I've been out of the military long enough to know," he countered. "That even Generals are only human after all," he kissed her as he deposited her on the bed, reaching around to the fastenings on her dress. "Besides which, this almost certainly counts as shore leave, General Organa. And you did order me here." 

"You assume a lot," she mused against his neck, pressing her lips to his pulse as he worked with the fastens. The pulse was warm and steady, and she could feel it thrum through her in what might have been the Force although it was a conversation she'd never dared have with her brother.

"And yet, I've heard no serious complaints yet," he came back around, dark eyes sparkling. "You asked me here after all, so you've only yourself to blame if you don't like it."

"Who said anything about not liking it?" She asked breathlessly. Flirting felt like learning once again to walk in heels, but it was coming back and that rush was intoxicating. "You've still not gotten rid of my clothes; do you need my assistance?"

"Everyone's a critic," he teased, pressing a kiss to her lips as he pulled on the dress. 

Leia pushed herself up to let the fabric up and loose, and then it was gone, and with it at least some of the weight of the day. His fingers were sending shivers across her body as they came up bare skin along her arms, and he was admiring her, openly, and with far more reverence than Leia felt her body earned at this stage in her life, but she couldn't bring herself to move as his fingers trailed up her collarbone again, and this time came down, tracing the line of her breast as it disappeared into the bra supporting it. His gaze came back up to hers as a palm pressed over her breast and Leia's breath quickened. Her nipple nubbed hard against the touch and he pressed over it. He knew exactly what he was doing to her, he had to know, and Leia whimpered into that touch. She was rewarded by a palm across her other nipple, equally hard, and his thumbs gently rubbing across them through the fabric of the bra. 

Leia let herself sink into the sensation, the warmth of want becoming more and more obvious between her legs. His touch was slowly teasing desire into a peak longing, and he was taking his time. Tension infused every inch of her skin, and Leia wasn't certain she was fine with him taking so long any longer. With one hand she pulled his neck down so that she could kiss him even as his fingers continued to run around her nipple. And when he complied, when his lips were firmly taken in by hers, she dropped her hands to the belt on his trousers, undoing it mostly by memory and with the encouragement of a moan as her fingers brushed his lower abdomen. 

Trousers were pushed off, and she came back to look. That chest tapered down into hipbones that pointed towards the beginning of a telltale mound in his underwear. Her palm came to rest on that mound, and his breath turned slightly raspy, his cock twitching against her touch. 

"Leia, gods, you're beautiful," his eyes fluttered shut, and he slid onto the bed beside her. 

"I want you under me right now," she dared to command him. 

His fingers caught with hers, and they held for a moment, threaded together before he pushed himself further up onto the bed, laying out across it and turning to watch her. "This only works if you're on top," he observed. 

It was all the encouragement Leia needed. She slid herself over his body, allowing him to press up against her heat through their underwear. He gasped slightly, and the bra was discarded after. Leia tried not to think about how her breasts drooped with its removal, but Kes's hands came up to press over her nipples again, tracing circles around the rise of those breasts and she lost herself in the touch.

With each breathless response to his fingers across her skin, the years and the distance that separated them was completely undone, leaving Leia anticipating what his fingers would feel like when they spread lower. As she leaned down to kiss him, he avoided her kiss instead taking her nipple in his mouth, and his tongue twirling around it and Leia moaned, and pressed her clit against the hard length of him that was under her. 

"Kes, that's -" she found herself fighting to come up with a coherent sentence as his fingers slid across one breast, and his tongue the other, and when he pulled back, his entire mouth wet and messy, it was to find her mouth, and press into it. 

"I want to be in you," he murmured. "I want to feel you around me." 

Leia let off a shaky breath, and pulled back, moving enough that she could remove the underwear that was nearly the last remaining fabric between his body and hers. All that was left was his. 

He watched her openly, a smile on his lips as he did so. His fingers slid across her breasts, his knuckles tweaking her nipples, his recompense for having done so a throaty moan from Leia. His fingers slid southward, pressing feather light touch all across her abdomen, down into the thick hair between her legs. His fingers slid between her legs and Leia closed her eyes with a whimper and a sigh. 

"Yes." 

"Lay down," he suggested, and there was a smirk as he added: "Or do you still want to be on top." 

Leia gave him a look as she slid back into the pillows behind her, feeling utterly exposed and yet completely safe. He kissed each finger individually on her hand, and then ran his hand up her calf, across the internal side of her thigh, sending shivers coursing through her as he pressed her open. A featherlight touch drifted across her lips, causing her to lift her hips into that touch more insistently. "You're teasing," she scolded, breathlessly. 

"Mmm, yes," Kes said seriously. "Yes, I am, but don't worry, Leia. I won't leave you unsatisfied. Two fingers slid down against her clit, and he hummed. "You're wet." 

"You've been working diligently," she breathed. And he truly had been. She knew that she was more damp than she'd been for quite some time. She had wondered if she would need assistance getting there, half aware that she'd brought no lubricant with her, but it seemed her spontaneity wouldn't work against them. Her eyes drifted down his body, her own hands seeking out his skin, pressing to his neck, his shoulders, his chest, and running nails up and down his muscles gently - not enough to hurt, but enough to get his attention. 

"What do you want, Leia?" He looked up at her. "Do you want me inside? Do you want my fingers? My tongue?"

Her gaze met his, and the low sincere way he asked the words shot desire through her. It was so straightforward, a man who knew exactly what he could offer and what she might want from him. She reached for his fingers, sliding them into her mouth, and then kissing each one individually before she answered him. "I want your tongue, and then I want to ride you until you come inside of me." 

There was a bizarrely heady sense of feeling both like a much younger Leia Organa and recognizing that a younger Leia Organa would have never been so bold. Her desires might have been equally strong, or even stronger, but that woman who could take no sass in the middle of an Imperial interrogation was not nearly so confident in her own bedroom. 

Han had been so confident. Cocky, at times. And yet, when he'd taken control, it had always been attentively. Every move he'd made had been done with an eye resting on her. The millions of times he'd quietly asked if she liked something, if she wanted him to do something more. She'd gotten comfortable with saying I want tongue, and as that comfort had grown, so had their relationship - a familiar but never boring dance - and she'd never felt alone in it. 

Kes licked his lips, dropping his own hands to his underwear. He slid the underwear over his hips, discarding them on the floor before he climbed on the bed, his cock semi-hard without the restriction of his boxers to keep it from jumping to attention. 

"You look amazing," she said honestly, unable to keep her eyes from drifting downward anticipating the width of his cock up against her. It was nestled among dark hair, though nearly every other one peppered grey. She sat forward, her eyes intent on his as she ran her fingers up the inside of his thigh as he watched, and he was smiling at her when she leaned forward, dropping her mouth to take him in to urge him to further stiffness. 

Kes gasped, his hand coming down to place on the back of her head and he moaned. "Kriff, Leia, yes." 

She could feel him hardening as she wrapped fingers around his balls, and ran a tongue over the uncut tip. He was whimpering underneath that tongue, and she smiled into that whimper, giving the tip another run over with her tongue. The exercise hadn't been simply to create the firmness, but to add additional moisture and now she pulled up, pulling back over him. 

"I thought that was going to work the other way," his pupils were wide, his eyes still openly admiring her, as his mouth found hers as he pulled back. 

"There's time," she murmured into his skin as his lips found her lower one and teased it gently. "Plenty of it even." 

"Then I'll take plenty of it," he whispered as he pulled back from her. 

His hands were placed on her shoulders, and he was pushing her back towards the pillows again, and then he was kissing the inside of her thighs sending shivers of delight through her once again. Every kiss felt like a balm, a shot of life, a reminder that she was still wanted and needed by someone in this moment, even if it was only this very particular moment that she could feel so blessedly alive and wanted. 

"Kes," she breathed, and then she couldn't say anything, only whimper and moan and hope she was not so loud that the neighbours would hear. His tongue was on her clit, and there was pressure and movement, and he was sucking her, his fingers still firm on her thighs, and Leia couldn't keep lying back, but he was holding her too tightly for her to be let go. There was a rhythm to what he was doing and Leia was lost inside of it and inside every inch of her that was practically screaming for release. "Please, please - _please_ Kes." 

When he pulled back it was to press kisses to the inside of her legs, and then up her hips, up her abdomen, and to finally meet her lips so that she could taste herself on him, feeling his body pressed against her, as his cock seemed to find that same place he'd just left. 

"I want you," he whispered in her ear. "Right now, on top of me, Leia, I want you. I want to feel you on my cock, and see your breasts bouncing as you move up and down over me. I need you." 

He didn't have to say it, but Leia felt the truth of it. 

A few years back it would have felt absurd to find herself here. One night affairs, liaisons in hotel rooms, they were maudlin things for people who had nothing better in their lives. Perhaps she shouldn't have thought that, perhaps she had been overly judgemental in that moment, but now that she found herself in that situation it seemed to be different from what she'd suspected that it would be. Kes was strong and warm and authentic and she could feel the truth of his words. Whatever tomorrow or the next day would bring this man needed her here right now, and she fiercely claimed his lips once more before pushing herself up on her elbows, pressing him back with one hand as she struggled to sit up again. 

"How badly do you want me?" Her own eyes blown wide while she could feel her hair had begun to escape the hairstyle that had been so perfectly placed before. 

"I don't just want, I need," he looked into her eyes without blinking. "Leia…" 

The way he said her name, it felt like a prayer, and so she pushed him back. 

"Do you have anything?" she asked. "I didn't - I wasn't expecting this." 

"I wasn't either," he admits. "I was checked a few years back, and I've not been with anyone since. But if you're not comfortable, with it, you can use your hand." 

"Are you comfortable? I've only been with…" 

"We're good," Kes said firmly, pressing his lips to her hand gently, a kiss to each fingertip as he looked up at her. "I trust you, if you're all right." 

She climbed over him then, straddling him between her legs. The ache in her clit was answered when it slid down against his firm erection. She whimpered slightly, somewhat desperate for some release. "Kes, I want you." 

"Then take me," he propped himself up enough to press a kiss against her earlobe and whisper into her ear. "I'm yours." 

Maybe it wasn't true or maybe it was true in this moment. Leia wasn't certain that mattered. What did matter is that he was saying it, and that he was hard underneath her, and that he had asked for her and that he wanted her and that was enough. 

She was wet, but it still took a moment for her to position herself so that she could slide over him. The first angle hit wrong so she adjusted. He was wide and he filled her well if differently than she was used to. But the difference was far from a criticism as she took her first movement up and then back down again. He had given himself to her, and his hands had come up to set on her hips, helping her as she gave into the desire to feel alive and necessary for someone. 

"Leia, yes, there," with his hands on his hips he bounced her, and Leia gave into the movement, feeling the way he pressed against her sensitive skin. She moved again, and he was steady in following her with a litany of quiet endearments and demands. She was beautiful, she was perfect, and he was hers. She tightened her core against his cock, and the sensitivity gathered into something that would almost certainly burst. 

He was looking up at her, watching her face, and her breasts, pressing a nipple against one of his hands, and then another hand slid down to find her clit. It was extra pressure, something she could push against and she did so, breathless with the need for release. 

"Kes, gods," she murmured, circling her hips gently. 

The orgasm shuddered through her, bright and stunning, and she could feel him tensing under her as she tightened, and she wasn't going to let go of him, she kept moving through her own wave of pleasure. 

His eyes were closed, his head pressed back into the pillow, his hands tight against her hips, and his hips arched against her so tightly, and then he was back, eyes floating open again as he watched her. 

"Did you -?" It was suddenly very important to her that he had. 

"Yeah," it was a sigh, and he reached up to find her shoulder and pull her down on top of him. "Yeah, it was incredible. Leia, it was - wow." 

She allowed herself to be pulled into that embrace. Allowed herself to rest her head on his shoulder and hear his heart pumping blood through his body in the aftermath of his release. His arms were strong and Leia closed her eyes, forgetting all the places her own body had lost its firmness. He hadn't seemed to mind. He hadn't even seemed to notice. 

She wasn't alone. 

For a moment she wasn't alone, she was in the arms of a man who wanted her and who cared about her well-being. He cared enough that he'd come by alone to check on her after everyone else had left. It was funny perhaps, how life had circled back around. They'd been not much more than acquaintances, but she supposed those moments they had spent together before had been heady ones, with a fight for something they'd both believed in strongly enough to give everything to it. 

The urge to start talking to Kes, to tell him things that she shouldn't about Poe, and about his time with the First Order, and everything she didn't want to say about her own son bubbled up and Leia pressed it down. She didn't want to ruin this moment - not right now. 

"Have you been with someone since Shara?' she asked instead. Perhaps it was equally likely to ruin the moment and yet, Leia had flown with Shara - liked Shara - it felt odder in some ways to not speak of her. Almost as it felt as odd to not mention Han. 

There was a hesitation and then a hand slid across the back of her head, through her hair. "If you'll believe it, no." 

"Why wouldn't I believe it?" she queried him. "You've no reason to lie, there's no expectation here, just comfort and chasing away loneliness for a night." 

The fingers slid through her braid and traced gentle, small patterns on her scalp. "There's not been anyone that I wanted to," he admitted quietly. 

Something about this shook Leia. He agreed to her request to return to the hotel room with her. He must have known where this would go. He wanted to -- with her. There was power in that, and in this moment it was life affirming power. 

"Han and I haven't been together much recently," she admitted this more quietly than she had spoken anything else. 

"I know," Kes responded, and his hand found her back to rest there. "Poe mentioned it." A beat. "I asked, I guess, but he shared." 

"He's one of my best pilots," Leia shook off the talk of Han for a moment. "You must be so proud of him." 

"I wish he were safer," Kes's heart was on his sleeve, a proud father, and he should be pleased Leia thought. "But I am proud. His mother would be even more so. I can't argue with what he's doing, even as I hate he's got to do it." 

Leia considered the memories she had of Shara. She was a brilliant pilot, and served the Alliance well until she and Kes had left to raise Poe together. She wondered if she could have done that. And if she had done that would it have ended things differently? If Ben had been allowed to be a boy living a simple life, or as simple as a Force sensitive child could live before he was trained, with both his parents around - would he have turned out like Poe? 

Poe wasn't perfect. Leia couldn't gloss away the fact that Poe knew he was handsome and used it to his advantage at times, or that he was a little cocky, or that she suspected there was a strain of depression that lurks underneath the surface of those smiles and good natured looks. She can't set him up to be a perfect son she didn't have, but she can't quite push away that wish that Ben were more like Poe either. 

But Ben was never like Poe. Even when he was younger he was quieter, more reserved, and even if he'd grown up on Yavin IV and away from the spotlight of government and expectation of Jedi he would still not have been Poe. 

Her hand found Kes's chest. "I can't take care of him; I wish I could." 

"I know you look out for him the best you can," Kes responded. "He's delighted to work with you. That's enough for me. I told him to keep an eye on you when he goes back." 

Leia lifted her eyes to meet his gaze. Something in those words pulled at her heart and she smiled softly. "I'm sure he'll follow those orders beyond what is strictly necessary." 

"I hope so," Kes laid his hand over hers, wrapping her fingers up in his. "Someone needs to look out for you." 

"You could join us," it sounded like more of an invitation than it truly was under the circumstances, even though she realized she could enjoy a repeat of what they just did. "We always can use fighters." 

He raised her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to it. 

"That time in my life is over," he murmured and an arm slid around her shoulders. "We've got the ranch on Yavin IV and I'd like that to still be there for Poe when he gets out. But I'll stay tonight if you want me to." 

Leia twisted her fingers in his hand, so that she could slide them down into his. "I'd like you to." 

"There's nowhere I'd rather be," he pressed these words into her hair. 

Leia realized that she wanted this response. Wanted it with a startling completeness that she wasn't expecting. She lifted her body up on one elbow to look down at him. She pulled up the hand that he'd entangled and with slender fingers she pressed the curls at his temple and she watched him for a moment. There was hope there for him still. Hope that Poe would make it out and would come back to the ranch. It was a hope she wasn't certain she could find for herself or for Ben right now, but Kes had hope for his son and she might vicariously hold onto it - just for a moment.

"I was thinking I'd take a shower, do you want to join me? All the rain and the storm today - I feel…" She wasn't quite certain how to describe it. Dusty was the wrong word and she wasn't uncomfortable in the aftermath of the sex. Maybe it was the events of the day. 

"Is it large enough for two?" 

She smirked at this, and sat up, pulling at the pins in her now disheveled hair. "Almost certainly." 

It had been months since Leia had been in an actual water shower and this one held two large shower heads tiled completely from ceiling to floor with a large wooden bench against one side of it. Leia pulled down the hair from the top of her head and contemplated whether or not she wanted to leave it in the long braid. In the end, Kes made the decision for her, sliding his fingers across her shoulders, up her neck and into the hairline for a gentle massage. 

"I'll wash it for you if you want." 

Leia wasn't expecting this. It somehow held an intimacy that the sex itself didn't have, and yet, she immediately reached for the end of her braid to let it out. 

The water was warm against her skin as she stepped in, and Kes followed her adjusting the strength of the spray before he reached for soap. Rather than moving it over his body, he moved it across her shoulders, dancing the bridge of her collarbone to the other side, up and down her upper arms, across the rise of her breast, and then underneath that same rise. Leia closed her eyes and let him work. It had been so long since anyone did this sort of thing for her. It felt incredibly sensual in a sense that, for the moment, anyway, wasn't particularly arousing, just inviting and familiar. 

She tilted her head so that he could wash her neck, and then she looked back over at him. He offered her a smile and then leaned down to catch her lips in a kiss again. Their bodies came together, skin against skin, wet and warm and clean and wrapped in the scent of a citrus smelling soap. 

"You're beautiful," he murmured this into her ear again. 

"I'm old and tired," she protested. 

"You're determined, and strong, and it's clear in every move you take," Kes brought his hand up to her chin and tilted it up. "And yes, beautiful. Don't you dare say otherwise, Leia. Don't let life make you believe something else." 

She swallowed and brought her hands up to his face, cupping his jaw line on either side, and she gazed at him for a moment before standing on tiptoe to press against his lips again. The length of his body pressed against herl and she could feel his arms wrap around her with the press of his chest against her breasts, and his cock flaccid against her. 

This was strength of a different sort. It was a recognition of things that most seemed to take for granted, and for that Leia found herself incredibly grateful as she deepened the kiss once more. Water dropped down across her face, into her eyes, but they stood together for a moment, until he pulled his arms up her back, tracing her spine up to the back of her neck where he found her hair. "I said I'd wash this," he murmured softly as he stepped back. 

She let him somewhat surprised at the thoroughness with which he took on this task. The soap was massaged into her scalp, run through the longer strands of hair, and then he finally allowed her to step back under the stream of water again. Leia took over, rinsing the hair as she held her head back, knowing that it was a display and enjoying the fact that he was certainly enjoying it too. 

When he stepped out it was to grab two large towels. She took one of them and wrapped it around her body completely, then reached for one of the smaller ones to wrap her hair up in. 

Leia was tired now. 

The day started for her before dawn, and the events were emotionally exhausting, and even with the strength that Kes offered by being with her she was still aware that even if Kes would stay the night he would be gone in the morning. Of course he would need to be, and Leia would return to her own life. 

She reached for a comb to carefully work her way through the length of the hair. Kes wrapped a towel around his waist and stepped out into the main bedroom again. Leia combed her hair, plaited it into a long loose braid once more, and then stepped back into the bedroom. 

Kes had left his towel across the back of a chair and had returned to the bed. 

"Will you be all right?" 

She looked up to meet his gaze and followed his example of putting the towel over a chair. For a moment, she had been going to put a nightshirt on, but seeing that he was naked, she determined it wasn't necessary. The sheets were softer without anyway. 

"Of course I'll be fine," she shook her head as she pulled the sheets up over her hip. 

"The thought of you alone... " Kes reached out and touched his thumb to her forehead. "I know how difficult it can be. And Poe contacts me regularly - lets me know." 

Leia thought of Ben again and the sometimes snatch she would get of him in the Force. Always the son that she grew in her abdomen, but something else too - something darker. The wish that her own son could be so considerate threatened to send flames through the current moment. 

She had said she would be fine, but she didn't feel it without Han, without Ben, just herself, always just herself. 

Kes climbed into the bed next to her and he placed his hand on her jawline, for a moment doing nothing but holding her there and she leaned into the touch her eyes closed, her breathing steady. 

"Poe will look out for you; I'll tell him too," Kes offered quietly, almost as if he knew what she was feeling. "But he would anyway. He misses his mother more than he'd say, and he respects you so much, admires you -- for good reason I think," his lips turn up in a smirk and Leia finds herself opening her eyes and smiling. 

"He would without you telling him," she smiled back at him. "He has since he came to the Resistance. I suppose unless you told him to in the first place." 

Kes chuckled. "No, whatever he did there, it was of his own accord. I told you he admires you." 

"You've raised him so well," she murmured lightly. "He's courageous and kind." 

"We were lucky," Kes responded softly. "We got lucky with Poe. We did our best, but we still got lucky." 

Was it just luck? she wondered. It seemed incongruous, like it might be something Kes was saying simply to make her feel better. Like he knew more than he let on, and didn't want to cause her pain... and Leia realized that perhaps it was time to talk to someone about it. Perhaps it was long past time.

"Ben questioned Poe," she whispered this, realizing as she did so that she was holding onto his hands so tightly. "When Poe was with the First Order, it was Ben, Poe told me later." 

Kes's eyes grew dark, but there was surprisingly no anger there - only sorrow - and Leia wondered if Poe had already told him same as he had told her. He had to have known. If he hadn't known, surely there would have been anger? Leia was certain had their situations been reversed she would have felt anger. Perhaps Kes was a better person than her, and perhaps that was part of why Poe was the way he was. 

"He turned, Kes. Ran from the Jedi, from Luke, from me. Han didn't simply die on the base, he was killed, by my Ben" her voice cracked. 

She fell into silence, feeling far more vulnerable with this admission than she had only a few moments before. Kes's fingers slid over her knuckles. His fingertips were rough, as Han's had been, but in a way that spoke the difference between a smuggler and a rancher. They were gentle as Han's had been, and Leia became aware as she looked down at them, at the drops of water that had hit his knuckles and were resting there. She was crying, and she pulled a hand up to wipe at her tears. 

There was an ache she couldn't push away with these tears and it had nothing to do with Han's death, or maybe it had everything to do with Han's death. Maybe in her heart of hearts she had believed that the situation could be salvaged. Maybe she had believed when she sent Han to Ben that their son would be able to see that they cared so deeply about him still and he would come back. She had believed in a myth that her family would be together again and perhaps in a way they had never been together before. That whatever cracks had spread between them could be mended and become as if they had never been there before. It had been a false dream and for a woman who had never been one to engage much in fantasy why had she engaged so deeply in it? And how much had its failure been her fault? How much of what had happened with Ben rested on her shoulders? What had she done to so push him so far away? So unreachable? 

Her shoulders shook, the silence filling the room as loudly as any sob could, and Kes's fingers moved from her hands to her shoulders, gently easing along the shoulder bone. The massage hurt, but not in a way that was terrible, simply in the way of knots left for too long, years maybe. Since Han had - 

The sob escaped then, a guttural echo that made her feel oddly ethereal and out of place within the posh setting of the suite. Was she meant to be here after all? Should she have allowed herself to enjoy any of this? She had failed everyone that she cared about most, and that was worse than knowing that she had also failed the galaxy. Perhaps she should have tried harder, gone further - suggested a stronger leadership from the beginning, a president or single leadership person. She had never wanted it, but perhaps the galaxy had needed that. 

Solid arms were supporting her, wrapping around her and pulling her into his lap. She allowed it, perhaps because it was easier to bury herself in his shoulder than risk him seeing her face blotchy tears. 

This had been a terrible idea. 

And yet, even as that thought crept into her head, she found that she couldn't regret any of it. Not now, not yet. Perhaps if Kes walked out the door in a moment she would. If Kes spoke to anyone about it, then she might. But she knew he wouldn't. As she knew Poe had spoke only to her in the Resistance about the identity of his captor, she knew that Kes would take it to his grave if she asked it of him. 

How much had she not said all this time? How much had she hidden from everyone but Rey, who knew, who told her the whole story? From Chewie, whom she sat late into the night in silence and remembrance. How much had she needed to say more? To witness the entire thing to someone who could hold it. After all these years, how much had silence and secrets earned her? 

His fingers slid up against her neck, along her hairline, and the other wrapped at the small of her back, and she was aware of quiet whispers in her ear. 

"You have given more than you should have ever been required to give," he spoke quietly. 

"I asked too much," Leia gulped the words and they felt like grasping at a rope. "If I had not asked Han would never have gone after him." 

Kes pulled back from her, bringing both hands up to her jawline and his brown eyes were staring into hers. Leia could feel the shift in the room as if it were a draft from the door, a seriousness that had not been there before. 

"Do not carry what is not yours, Leia," Kes's words held weight and she couldn't look away from his gaze. "Do not think for a moment that Han would not have gone after his son to try to bring him back. Any father worth his salt would have done so, and Han cared deeply. That was obvious to anyone who knew him. Your request was inconsequential in the moment, I guarantee you." 

She swallowed, nodding as much as she could with his hands where they were on her chin. She wanted to protest, and yet, what Kes said felt like truth. She knew Han so well. And in those last moments together she had seen the flippant frustration that belied the deep passion he felt about the subject of Ben. She had asked, yes. But did she really believe that had she not done so that Han would have walked away when he saw Ben? Was it only her belief that had tied him to their son? To suggest that was to doubt Han and she had learned better than that after all these years, hadn't she? 

"I had hoped," she admitted softly. 

There had been so many things she had hoped for: her father and her mother to see a free galaxy: the Republic to stabilize and flourish: her family together. 

Kes leaned forward, pressing his lips gently to her forehead, and then to the side of each eye as if he might kiss away the tears that she could feel lingering. No longer worried about the wrinkles and grey hair, she wondered how red-eyed and blotchy she looked, and wondered at herself for worrying about something that Kes did not seem to see at all. And why did she? She had never been someone to worry about her appearance. It was a sign of her own insecurity, perhaps: how off-footed she felt about all of her life in the moment.

He was gazing at her again, and then he leaned forward and gently kissed each cheek, and then moved to her lips. The kiss lingered gently, without any heat or pressure behind it, it held a familiarity that felt too easy and unlikely in the situation. Leia decided to not question that. Perhaps it was different when you slept with someone you had known for years. Perhaps it was different when you slept with someone who wasn't Han. Perhaps it was just different. How little experience she really had in this regard. 

"Come here," he tugged at her and she followed him into a supine position, and he lay down beside her, wrapping his arms around hers as he pressed his lips into her shoulder. "I will hold your hope tonight, Leia." 

She breathed out, closing her eyes, and letting the day swirl around her to settle. It had been a long time since she'd felt seen and cared for like this. Even Han… well, they hadn't known how to not hurt each other in the aftermath of Ben's betrayal. And she knew that this wouldn't be forever. It wasn't a stability that would hold her forever, but perhaps it would last longer than she had anticipated. She had wanted to find comfort in the arms of an old friend and she had - but he'd offered her so much more than simple comfort. (Perhaps comfort was never truly simple?)

Leia twisted in his arms to find his lips once more. Placing her own against his, she wrapped her arms around his body, tracing the edges of his lips with her tongue, until he opened his mouth and she was given access. She pressed one hand against his spine, and her tongue couldn't find the words to tell him how much his being here had meant to her, and so she sought other ways to try to tell him. Their tongues met in a dance she was just learning. It was clumsy, but that didn't matter in a way it hadn't for years. 

As she wrapped her arms around Kes it was gratitude that she couldn't articulate, granted from emotion she'd been trying to bury. Perhaps his stability could hold her long after she'd returned to the Resistance, long after this night had become just a memory, and perhaps it had become something more, a flicker of hope in the idea of family. And perhaps she was simply borrowing someone else's family for the night, someone else's husband, who was father to someone else's son, and perhaps Leia would hold onto that fantasy with an atypical persistence. 

His fingers drew up her sides, and she shivered. The motion seemed only to encourage Kes further, as his fingers sought purchase against her chest, sliding across the curve of her breasts, and this time it wasn't his fingers that found her nipples, but his mouth. Leia moaned encouragingly into the heat of his lips, pulling a hand to the back of his head and digging her fingers into his greying curls. He took first one, and then the other, as if he might be worshiping her, and then his lips moved down across her abdomen gently, pressing featherlight touches against her hip bones, and then he was back again their mouths connecting as her body sought him elsewhere.

Gone was the playful teasing and flirting of earlier replaced with something else that pulled at Leia deep inside her spirit. It wasn't an uncomfortable weight, and she leaned into it, chasing it even, if such a thing could be admitted to herself. 

There was still moisture between her legs from earlier, and he was once again pressed firmly against her, solid and hers for the taking, so she opened up to him, reaching for his face to bring it down to join their tongues again. The heat was slow in building and Leia was content to let the heat turn up. 

At once raw and refined, burning hot and lingering coals, it was strength coursing through her body. The strength of a younger woman, with hopes and dreams, and a belief that things would eventually right themselves. The last time she saw him she was that younger woman, and now, tonight she is again. 

When he shudders his release, there is something about the look on his face and the way his eyes pull close, and he breathes her name as if he really has given himself completely over to her and Leia thought she was still a long way from her own release, but holding that power in her hands pushes her over and she gasped with the unexpected rush of orgasm. 

He dropped onto her chest, and she ran her fingers through his hair, pressing kisses to his temple, and saying nothing now. 

There were no more words to be said anyway. He knew the truth. More of it than she ought to have ever shared perhaps. Or perhaps more of it that she should have shared long ago. What was past was already written.

Her eyelids drooped shut as she ran quiet circles across his back and listened as he breathed out an almost sigh of contentment, and in the quiet there was the absolute pleasure of contentment - a feeling that earlier in the day she would have believed would be impossible to recover under any circumstance. 

She couldn't say if he fell asleep like that, or if she fell asleep like that, but she did sleep. This she knew when she pulled her eyes open into a drowsy early morning light, made so by the color of the draperies and the way the light shone through them and cast a nearly golden glow to the room. 

She was in the bed alone, and she turned, checking for covers as she did so. Kes wasn't there, but his jacket rested on one arm of a chair, disabusing her of the notion that he had taken off without saying good-bye. She decided to wait, see if he would return and when. It was a decision nearly undone when she caught the time, but she would give him another few minutes. 

Perhaps she should have been surprised when he walked in with a small tray of food, but somehow she wasn't. Let me treat you like a queen, he'd said, and she'd at once told him that he didn't have to, and been somehow deeply flattered. 

"How close was I to being the one who had to check out of the room?" He queried with a smirk on his lips. 

"I'm not dressed yet," Leia chuckled, pulling the sheet up over her chest and leaning back against the head of the bed as she eyed the tray more carefully. "Where did you find all this?" 

"Downstairs. There's a small brunch room. I wasn't certain what you'd want so I just bought a few of everything." 

Leia looked at the two cups for caf, and the selection of fruit and pastries and she smiled. "I think you've done well." 

There was a shyness about how he moved in to kiss her cheek, "Good." 

She poured them both cups of caf and then selected one of the pastries. If she had been afraid that it would turn awkward in the light of day she needn't have been. Kes didn't take any motion for granted, yet there was no insecurity in his movements. If anything, it was only an increased sense of familiarity and understanding, and she could breathe. 

The fruit was sweeter than she was expecting and juicier. She caught it as purple juice dripped down her chin and she laughed at herself lightly as she reached for a napkin to fix it. Kes had caught it first, and his fingers are pressing a napkin against her chin. 

"Maybe you should have some caf first," his eyes twinkled, teasing her. 

"Ha ha," Leia shook her head, but she reached for the caf then. 

He was more awake than she was, something she could tell easily enough as she looked over the edge of her cup and sipped the liquid. It was a lighter flavor, and there was a spicy undertone to it, cinnamon maybe, but it was a nice flavor for breakfast. Kes had slid his trousers on, and a simple shirt not unlike those his son wore, or that Han had worn. And for a moment it felt as if she'd done something wrong. But Han wasn't around to complain. And if she were feeling extraordinarily honest with herself - and why shouldn't she be these days? - she would tell herself that Han wouldn't have minded under the circumstances. All those years of marriage and madness, but she believed firmly that he had only ever wanted her happiness. 

Still, how many years of marriage and never giving herself to another, even for a night? It wasn't surprising her mind might balk. 

Threepio had left a small bag at the hotel and as she ate the last crumbs of a savory pastry she began to turn her mind to getting dressed. Kes was casual at the end of her bed, one leg pulled up, and he was watching her with a warm gaze. 

"You'll go back to the base," he said - knowing that was where she was headed. 

And of course she must. There was still a war to be fought, after all. And this small break was something she probably could not afford to take. Somewhere in this galaxy, the son she still desperately longs to connect with needs her to hope he can find the light yet -- That it isn't too late. She understands with a strange pang that this was how Luke must have felt with their father and what she could not understand when she was a much younger woman. 

She nodded, finishing off the last of the caf. "With Hosnian Prime's destruction, we'll need to move quickly to counter whatever the First Order sends us." 

Kes put his own cup of caf back on the tray and leaned forward to slide his hand over hers. "May I write you?" 

Leia blinked at the request. "I don't know if I can write back," she hedged. 

"I don't require that," Kes watched her carefully. 

Leia raised her gaze to his face and maybe it was in the Force or maybe it was just her own intuition, but she recognized the emotion of seeking connection. 

She nodded. "I'll tell Poe when we move where you can reach me." 

As she stood to find the bag Threepio had left her and the clothes that were contained within it. Leia wasn't certain what she was feeling. The entire night was intended to just be one night, and in asking for something more, Kes was perhaps asking to extend it. And while she hadn't thought she would ever have any interest in a relationship that wasn't Han - after all, they had circled each other for the past few years and so far as she knows, neither of them had sought comfort elsewhere - she didn't feel the need to push him away either. 

They dressed in comfortable silence. Night had concluded and there was day to be contended with, but it felt like something she could take on. 

Kes stepped over to help her pin a hair into place and she glanced at him in the mirror over her shoulder. "Thank you," she murmured as she turned to pack up her bags. 

And as she finished, he stepped up and took ahold of it without being asked. 

Leia raised an eyebrow at him. "I have a droid that can help with that." 

"You can, but the droid can help you with it tomorrow. I can only do it this morning," Kes shrugged. 

In response, Leia turned to press a kiss to his lips gently. "Is your son going to wonder where you are?" 

His face was caught in a smile when she pulled back. "Maybe. But I'll tell him it's none of his business." 

Leia laughed, and maybe her cheeks were a little warm with that statement. "I suppose if he asks me questions, I can always order him to sweep the airfield." 

"Seems good to me." 

Those warm eyes. Leia realized she was going to miss them. She reached for the key card, sliding it into the panel, making certain the credits had cleared and officially checking herself out of the room. 

"Kes," she turned to him before opening the door. She had no right to ask perhaps, but he offered connection, and he offered to continue the connection past today, and her heart was beating too quickly when she looked up into his expectant gaze. "Can you continue to hold some hope for me?" 

He didn't smile, instead he reached his hand into hers, sliding fingers between hers and holding onto them for a beat. "I was planning on it."

**Author's Note:**

> If you want, come join me on [Tumblr](http://jedihafren.tumblr.com/) where I have a Solo child problem and a Dameron problem.


End file.
